October 21, 2008

Braggy brag brag…

Posted in Things That Tick Me Off tagged , , , , at 2:31 pm by junecleaverwouldbeshocked

The moment that a woman gives birth to her first child, something interesting happens to her brain: even if she was a model of humility before, she is suddenly compelled to begin bragging on every blurp and bubble her infant makes. Baby has gas? Aww, how cute! She smiled at just ten minutes old, you know – she’s practically a genius. And she’s the most beautiful baby in the whole wide world, cone-shaped head and all.

Okay, that’s all excusable – we all think know that our children are the most beautiful, intelligent and special children in the whole wide world, and they’re certainly brag-worthy. All kids do things that are clever or funny, and I love hearing about them.

What gets me are the parents that brag about things that…well, just really don’t seem like things to brag about. A few that I’ve seen online recently…

  • Proud formula feeding mommy! Okay, great that you’re secure in your choice – but what’s there to be proud about? Sorry, but anyone can walk into the Wal-Mart, pick up a giant can of powdered almost-food off the shelf and mix it with a little water to turn it into a drinkable substance. It doesn’t take an especial amount of strength or wit to formula feed, so why the pride? In fact, why be proud of feeding your precious baby something inferior at all? Granted, not everyone can breastfeed, and to those, I’m so sorry. But for those who choose not to…well, it’s just a decision that I have a hard time respecting, given all of the evidence that breastfeeding is far superior infant nutrition. “People need to understand that  when they’re deciding between breastmilk and formula, they’re not deciding between Coke and Pepsi… They’re choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available.” -Chele Marmet
  • Proud disposable diapering mommy! YAY, you’re part of the special, the elite, the…wait. Doesn’t everyone use disposable diapers these days? Ummm, yeah. Proud conformist. Sure. Truth be told, it’s far more uncommon to encounter a cloth diapering mama these days – and I’m betting that the majority of Pampers enthusiasts don’t even realize that a) cloth diapers no longer equal non-absorbent rectangles of cloth and scary pins or that b) there are some creepy chemicals lurking in their Huggies. Chemicals that you might not necessarily want leeching into your baby’s skin if you actually stop to consider that diapers are made of paper, and just-plain-paper ain’t especially absorbent.
  • Proud vaccinating mommy! I’m proud of forcibly restraining a person less than a quarter of my size while a doctor shoots her up with known toxins and carcinogens for his own personal gain! YAY ME!

As I’m about to vomit just thinking about these oh-so-special sources of pride, I’ll refrain from even touching on those that are proud of circumcising their sons (however needlessly).

People, do your homework. Your children are the single most important people in your lives, yet you blindly accept “the norm” as good enough for them, without bothering to ask “why?” or “is there a better way?” So many people do so much harm because they settle for “good enough”. If good enough is truly good enough for you, then so be it…but you’ll never know how much better things could be if you’d just research the decisions you make concerning your child’s health as much as you research a new computer or new car.

If you’ve done that research and are truly proud of your choice, then let your formula/diaper/vax flag fly. But if you just want something to be proud of and brag about…just wait. Bubba will burp again in a few minutes.